It has come to my attention that there is this holiday marked on my calendar dedicated to sweet romantic nothings that needs to be remedied. Since I lack a bottle of Vicodin, a kick-ass cane, and wit sharp enough to cut paper, it seems my little venture will have to rely on something else entirely. Absolute apathy to the mayhem that is: Singles Awareness Day.
What is it about this day that so captures the heart of the opposite gender? Is it the procurement of chocolate? (Bought and paid for with good money.) Are you saying that this is the one day it’s okay to actually eat candy instead of staring at it wistfully like a shipwrecked sailor sees a passing boat? Maybe it’s just a tool to help rationalize the extra few pounds you’ve gained recently…
Is it the exchange of mass produced paper cards that gets you? (Also available if the price is right…) Do printed words, in envelope sealed, contain more meaning than a personally written note or a hug? Hallmark must really put a lot of thought into each card they make.
It couldn’t be the bouquet of leafy, domesticated plant reproductive organs, I hate hay fever with a flowery passion. Though I must say, I wouldn’t mind a small house plant for my window sill. Watching something grow is just infinitely more satisfying than wondering how long decapitated plants can survive without horrific wilting. I suppose that makes this gift “green” too…
Or maybe it’s the promise of decent food. (Just American Express it.) I know that would make it worth it, I’m always there for the food.
Perhaps it’s the overarching assumption that this is the one day where your significant other will swallow their dignity to make everything perfect. Ah, I love temporary Utopias. (At least this one is priceless…) It matters not, I don’t care about this.
What I do care about is that I can find enough merriment from my friends not to suffer the Curse of the Double X Chromosomes and fret over my solitary relational status. I’m happy in life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way… well… that’s a different rant. In the mean time, I will quite happily wear black to class tomorrow and bid people happy S.A.D.. Thanks for reading!