It seems fitting now that I should revisit the cynicism of my former years. After my earnest solicitation of “Singles Awareness Day” as a fitting moniker for Feb. 14, it just wouldn’t feel right to renege on my attitudes and witticisms. Irony and hypocrisy aside, here is my continuation of those thoughts.
What is a relationship? An agreement between two people who find mutual enjoyment in each others company? A statement, a declaration of love? The distinction between flirting and acting flirtatiously, as Adam would put it?
I think there’s a more straightforward answer. It’s an excuse for girls to press their advantages. That’s right, guys, you’re screwed. Metaphorically, at least. You’re just signed, in blood, a commitment to the following of centuries-old unspoken rules of deference and agreement to your significant other. You are honor and [physical well-being]-bound to agreeing to a girl’s whims. God forbid she ask you a volatile question, answer wrongly and you are in trouble. You are living in an emotional minefield. One false move and drama leaps in to strangle you.
It’s also a rationalization of procrastination. You’ve never before had such an excuse to put off work. Hugs or homework?… Hmm, tough choice. It is my belief that relationships are the worst thing to happen to productivity. Ever. Not to mention the hours lost to random nothingness and reclusive behavior (ex. lawlz, Butters “napping”).
And woe to the helicopter-couples, hovering around each other’s daily lives via cell-phones and Internet and texts. Honestly, give it a rest and give each other some breathing room (same applies to parenting).
Not to mention the horrendous vocabulary that inevitably pops up. “Cute… Romantic… Awww.” *shudder* It’s revolting! Never before has humankind been reduced to such inane babbling!
Conclusion: If you value your sanity, you would do best to seek refuge among fellow nerds and geeks.